Sunday, May 13, 2012

Maybe when you have nothing, you have everything.


This morning I went to a memorial service for my teacher and friend, Jack Gilbert.  I find myself sitting here contemplating it and I'm changed.  

Why do I want to do the things I want to do? What motivates me?

Am I selfish for wanting to write a book?  Am I selfish for wanting to choreograph?  Or is this what I was created for?

I live in one of the richest places in the world... Well, it's not really rich, it just appears that way.  I bet most people here are in huge debt.  And those who have money don't have what really makes one rich...  Joy, contentment, satisfaction, Christ.

I was starting to get sucked into this world.  I wanted to write a successful book so that I could buy the house that I actually wanted and I could buy a car that doesn't have duct tape holding it together, literally.

Why?  Why would I want that?  Would that make me more valuable?  Would that give my life more worth?

I remember sitting on Jack's couch and being as comfortable as I ever was.  It was old.  It was used.  It was perfect.

Jack died single, living in a small apartment with old furniture.  He had one fleece vest, one sport coat, and one old car.  And yet, I would choose to be him over any rich person on the planet.  Because he did things that changed the world.  Literally.  Without getting any credit for it.  And he had a heart that I yearn to have.

Jack wasn't a great friend but he once said three sentences that changed the way I viewed myself, my talent, and the world around me.

I have a feeling that many people have been changed by Jack.  He changed us by being patient and humble and kind.  I hope these are words that are used when I die.  

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