Thursday, July 5, 2018

What's Love Got To Do With It?

The song "What's Love Got To Do With It" never made sense to me. I always thought the Beatles knew what they were talking about when they sang "All You Need Is Love."

I was wrong.

I recently went through a break up that was full of love. We both love each other, we both wanted to make it work, but ultimately our futures weren't lining up and we had to make the logical decision to end it.

The day we broke up I went on a hike. Exercise always makes me feel better. I mindlessly chose a hike and headed out bravely.  Not far in I came across this big gorgeous open field of grass where I had imagined we would get married. A little piece of me broke.

I sat down on the ground and cried hoping to collect that little part of me that broke, but alas nothing was going to fix the shattered dreams.  So, I got up off the ground, leaving that little broken piece behind, and hiked on.

This has been the repeated pattern ever since we broke up. There are so many shattered dreams that I see everywhere. The ring we had picked out sitting alone in the cupboard. The tiny house we had worked on together that we would never live in. The National Parks checklist that would never be complete.

With every little piece of me that breaks, I have to continue on. I logically know that as time goes by I will slowly heal. But today it hurts and that's okay.

There are times when you just have to get through it.  You have to let little parts of you break away so that they can be filled with other things.

The night after our break up, I went to my folks house and my dad had set up his telescope. It was a warm summer night. We looked at Saturn and Jupiter and it was fantastic. He just let me be sad and weepy. He let me just be me. A little part of me was filled.

One night I had to go to work and I knew I would have to hear my ex's voice over the walkie talkie.  I told a fellow co-worker that it was going to be awful hearing his voice. When he came on the walkie talkie, she locked eyes with me made fists and whispered "You got this." I honestly would have lost it, but she kept me strong.

It takes a village.  Making it through life can be hard, but people around you will save you.

That big gorgeous open field.